Lessons Learned

Ok, rewind a bit, Melissa!

I back slid a bit. I guess it wasn't the smartest move to quit smoking while going thru a divorce. But, at least I did it for 2 whole weeks! That is the longest ever! With determination I will make it further.....after the big D is final that is.......heehee!!!!!

Today is a new day. I am at peace in my heart. I'm learning to love Melissa for who she is. I'm learning to fall in God's arms, allowing him to hold me close. He is the solid foundation, the comforter of it all, and I know I am His!

I have fallen in love with my children, all over again and again and again! Oh how beautiful He made them! These tiny little people who innocently need direction with there inquisitive minds. Restless and anticipating what is to come. Jake is my worrier, Shelby my fusser! When you mix that with mama's craziness.....it is.......a TV sitcom! HA! That's funny; when they're only 4 and 2.

I have another constant in my soul. It's explained in this verse:

2 Corinthians 4:16:18 (NIV)

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

For weeks, I have been riding this haunted roller coaster. Everything jumping out, throwing stuff, dips, drops, loops and turns everywhere, no smooth ride, no.....coasting. No exit this way because it's not time. There is a reason for this ride.

I Am Not ONE With This World! I Do Not Fit In! I Am Not Here to Fit In.

I will ride as a passenger until His work is done!

Silence......

The last week has been really hard. I feel far away at times. God's working and in His time, whatever He is working on will be revealed.

I've got to keep praying and remain focused, constantly rebuilding on Him when Satan tries everything imaginable to tear it down.

Yet, He speaks again, to me as His child:

Proverbs 18:10 (NIV)

The name of the LORD is a strong tower;

the righteous run to it and are safe.

No more clouds, no more anger, no more aching inside....it all fades. He's rebuilding again, unconditionally loving me from the inside out. How I want to shine for Him.

Dear Lord, fill me up! Fill me up completely!

And again He speaks:

Matthew 17:20 (NIV)

He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

And I am awake, He knows me so well.......and I give it all up, all over again!

Amen.